Surprise winner of NCAA Woman of the Year

 

Cute as she is, she didn’t win.

No, it wasn’t Lia, talented as she undoubtedly is. The august cultural avatars at the University of Pennsylvania (many of them intimates of Earth Day Founder Ira Einhorn back in the day) were at a loss, stumbling around and asking each other why, why, why?

But you know how wymyn-type beings are. Snark will have its day. Everyone had a theory about the prestige-denting loss to the Ivy League’s lowest member (no pun intended.) (Yeah, pun definitely intended. For a generation, Penn has been the Ivy League back-up school. I don’t like this fact given that ten members of my own own family went to Penn. Only two in the “Safety School” taunt era made famous by Princeton. Cousins.)

S
Some said it was the hairy pits, some the no tits, others the hulkish back bits…

Despite Lia “ManMonster” Thomas dominating the NCAA swimming championships, the college sports organization went in a different direction for its Woman of the Year award, passing the honor onto an athlete of expired eligibility, per the rules, who proved to the NCAA (the only one, apparently) that she knew the definition of the word “woman.”


Flamenco, jazz, and ballet competitor

The NCAA’s Woman of the Year award recognizes “female student-athletes who have exhausted their eligibility and distinguished themselves in their community, in athletics, and in academics throughout their college careers.”


Jennifer Lynn Lopez was born on July 24, 1969, in the Bronx, a borough of New York Ci… She was raised in a Roman Catholic family; she attended Mass every Sunday and received a Catholic education, attending Holy Family School and the all-girls Preston High School.


As a teenager, she learned flamenco, jazz, and ballet at the Kips Bay Boys & Girls Club and taught dance to younger students, including Kerry Washington. After graduating from high school, she had a part-time secretarial job at a law firm and studied business at New York's Baruch College for one semester.


She was ruled legal for having exhausted her eligibility by her current age of 53, and every other challenge was ruled out of bounds for age-ism. She was also granted a pardon by the attending Archbishop for being a Roman Catholic. Someone asked if Jennifer had a Varsity Letter from Baruch College. They were bitch-shamed to silence. “Shut up for once, Eliot,” they all said in unison.



And for once he did. STFU. Turn the page.

I am, apparently, too old to live.




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