Women Always Win Arguments

It’s not that they’re smart, though some of them are. Smart or not, they all do this, every time.

1. They go nuclear right away. “I forgot to take out the trash? Sorry.” “You always never ever ALWAYS…!!!!!!!!”

2. When you introduce logic or any kind of defense of what just happened they leave the room very ostentatiously, taking hostage witnesses with them. “What you always say” being the Parthian shot. “God. Shit,” they add as they slam the door. 

3. They pretend later they didn’t say the nasty things they’d said, or they were just upset.

And you fall for the whole act, every time. Well, you must have done something wrong.

Where I’m exempt. In 16 years of marriage, during which I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words a year, I’ve never said anything nasty about my wife. Although, at times, I have like my Episcopalian General Confession, “Done things I ought not to have done, or left undone things I ought to have done.”

None of which included adultery, strip clubs, gambling, girlfriends, or anything that costs more than a year’s worth of desserts at Pat’s, the Italian Kitchen, and Terrigno’s Bakery

My secret sin? Asparagus in February… and strawberry shortcake in September.


This does get old though. Why should women be paranoid when they do so much to be loved?


Someday she’ll let me in.


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