Closing the Gap

 


It’s a long story that’s been through many vicissitudes, and only recently has reached a crisis point in the nation’s emotional stability. In the early days of the mass media age, women’s quest for respect from men led them to pursue intellectual accomplishment with lots of reading and whatnot. This led, understandably, to more women who needed glasses to be competitive at work and general mixed company. Sadly, one of the longest lived memes (before people knew they were memes) of that era was the Dorothy Parker quip above. 

As women invaded television news in the media explosion of the late Twentieth Century, the invention of contact lenses made it possible for the biggest female stars of journalism to appear elegantly finished without attraction-diminishing spectacles. Nancy Dickerson, Barbara Walters, and Diane Sawyer managed to look both smart and glamorous.

All eyes were upon them, even to the point of siring the term ‘nipslip.’

Why the incidence of women wearing eyeglasses at anchor desks was usually confined to a joke, which seemed, ironically, to make glasses a sign of dumb rather than smart.


And so it came to pass that glamorous newswomen became the norm, an actual ticket to ratings success. Not all,of them were blonde, but the golden shade of hair sure helped any number of nubile journalists lock up an anchor chair that sometimes sat behind a transparent desk.


Inevitably, despite the abundant journalistic talent that kept male eyes focused higher, the majority attention drifted lower through time.


And then there were awkward moments…


…And a new form of breaking news called an upskirt…


…followed by some outright embarrassments…

No desks at ABC

Resulting in technical difficulties


Coup de grace? Derision became the order of the day.


Which is when the brainiest of the Progressive women picked up the fallen standard of Dorothy Parker and reclaimed the high ground of highly ground lenses and heavyweight frames.


This has been a hugely successful flank attack by the women of the left. The much more physically attractive women of the right were reduced to also-ran status. Even their preference for men as sex objects was suddenly unfashionable. They were running out of time in today’s volatile journalism environment. Yes, the men had been driven almost entirely from power and the most elite anchor chairs, but that did nothing to help the disenfranchised female-identifying news goddesses of  conservatism.

Why this scene from one of the most important movies of the 29th Century comes immediately and urgently to mind.


The MAGA Molls are direly in need of closing the Eyeglass-Frame Gap. That’s the truth of the matter.

Is it a lost cause? No!

Just today, a shining light suddenly burst upon the Real America’s Voice Network. Her name is Jacquie Taboroff. Remember it. Look for her.



This is genius in action. Look at those frames. Look at those coke bottle lenses. She’s as HOT as it gets in the world of contemporary female journalism. And if you do some research, you’ll see there are multiple photos of her from the recent past in which she is wearing no glasses at all. She is storming the gates of the enemy and leading the way back to right wing credibility in the eyes of the Superior Sex.

What remains is for everyone else to get on board ASAP. The obligatory weapons are abundantly and affordable available. You don’t have to be on TV to participate. This is a necessary statement by a key demographic of the MAGA Movement, the Post-Fox Girlpower Army.

Forget the short skirts and designer shoes and terrifying eye and cheekbone makeup. What you need are specs that kick ass like Bruce Lee (or Gina Carano?) Just an iPhone call away. Put down that tub of ice cream and get busy! Imagine Rachel Maddow fleeing in terror before you! Destiny awaits…


Get busy out there. We need everywoman outmanning the ramparts of the Bad Bishes of the left. Capiche?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Another great one.
October 7, 2025 at 8:54 PM
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