Saving the Democrats a lot of time

 

Conflicted identity and media image woes

By now we know if you’re a Democrat, getting elected isn’t about who you are, what you’ve done or haven’t done. It’s about how people see you. The factors that can do in a candidate are often more subtle than the pundits of the professional wrestling circuit called the mainstream media. Why we think it’s time to help the world’s most uninformed voters about who to elect as their next nominee for President. We’re not going to get all racist and sexist about it. The decision points we’ve discovered are all based on the individuals involved, not the immaterial fluff like experience or political philosophies. We’ll start right at the top and give you one simple thing to bear in mind before you try to pick a winner for 2028.

Kamala Harris
Not about the word salads or the escort thing. Too Desperate.


Gavin Newsom
Too Lyle Waggoner. Times change.


Bernie Sanders
Too ‘Little Big Man’


AOC
Too prematurely passé 


Gretchen Whitmer
Too Lily-White


Jasmyn Crockett
Too many looks. And accents.


Pete Buttigieg
Too Butti-Boop.


Corey Booker
Who?


Mamdani
Too Tricky Dick


El Sayed
Too Oswami


Ariana Pressley
Too Damn Bald


Stephen A. Smith
Too Damn Funny


Jon Assoff
They like that ATM face in the U.K., but it doesn’t go here…

Where does that leave us. Before the August 18 Primary, I’d have said nowhere. But it’s time to turn the page, forget the has-beens, and start a brand new chapter of the great ‘Democracy’ story. A savior is on the horizon…


Angie Nixon is the perfect candidate. She has no baggage, because she has almost no political experience, something almost no Democrats can saw within the hearing of the IRS OR THE special Victims Unit. Nobody’s about to fire her college President, because she didn’t go to some zillion-dollar a year school where you publish with AI or get stuck in the teachers colleges for good.

Better yet? Ideologically she is pure as the driven snow. Her Wiki page is full of her triumphs as an entrepreneur, a writer, a mother, and an eloquently penetrating political activist:


All that’s roll up the sleeves type stuff. Children’s books aren’t ghost-written or plagiarism scandals as a rule. And a direct quote here:

As the final passage of a Governor Ron DeSantis-backed redistricting bill was underway back in April, pink-jumpsuit-wearing Nixon grabbed a pink bullhorn and started screaming at the top of her lungs.


“This is a violation of the Constitution! It is!” she yelled. “What y’all are doing is illegal!”


“I will not allow you to destroy our democracy!” she continued. “You are out of order!”


She has every right to proclaim her readiness for national and world leadership…



She comes ready made with a color-coded campaign designed to mesmerize the Superior Sex in their continuing crusade for no more babies issuing from them pearlescent gates into dangerous daycare and capitalist serfdom.


And her army of volunteers is already building strength for the long March to the White House and freedom at last for the glorious Proletariat!


Bet you’re excited now, huh?



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