Next Chapters for the Media Fallen?

 

Redeeming the “Eccentric” Burnouts of the Left

An interesting story still in the making. There’s a new streaming service just getting off the ground now with a groundbreaking movie project aimed at the award heights of SAG and the Golden Globes. Netflux Communications (still fighting off a trademark infringement suit from a troubled older streaming service) has chosen to share some pre-production details about their upcoming feature film ‘Being Keith Olbermann.” The project represents a collaboration among multiple partners in the enterprise, including Netflux, onetime newsman Keith Oldermann, and Stephen Col’bier, the onetime late night star who replaced that host from Indiana of all places, David, who is himself one of the project’s sponsors. The good news for us is that one Netflix’s innovative marketing strategies is to release more than the usual materials available from a production still in development, including some video clips and multiple storyboards of scenes yet to be filmed. All this for a movie about someone whose career has been decidedly on the downturn, if not dead.

Keith Oldermann started as a sports announcer. He did radio coverage of games played by teams at Cornell University, where the future newsman was attending the university’s state-sponsored Agricultural School, majoring in Communications. After graduation he got a job with one of the big cable sports networks and made his reputation as a fast talker with a mouth full of irreverent quips. His onscreen persona eventually led to a cable news network, where he prospered for a time in the Clinton administration, whom he defended ferociously during the Lewinsky scandal, like the loyal Democrat he was. It is believed that he still holds the television news record for having said “everybody lies about sex” more often anyone else, which is a lot anyones. He was so famous that I even featured him once or twice at the original Instapunk site.

Viewers began to notice that being objective wasn’t in Oldermann’s briefcase of talents, and when he became a pioneer in the new Xtreme sport called BDS (precursor of TDS), faint hearts at the network persuaded him to move back to sports coverage at his former network. This he did, until the viewers and management agreed that he should become an independent commentator with his very own podcast. Which went as well as can be expected as he continued to up the ante on his opinionating. Here are a few recent samples:

When the election went the wrong way for the mass media, ratings fell everywhere, and Keith was no exception. Indeed, as this goes to post, an Oldermann editorial declared that God was punishing James Woods by burning his house down (which, ironically, it did not). Unfortunately, there were three old ladies who had always like Woods, despite his conservative politics, and they happened to be the last three subscribers to the Oldermann podcast, which is now officially caput. 

The three “Oldermann Girls” as the MSM have christened them, are believed 

to have been members of a group that watched KO together. Their names have been 

withheld to protect their privacy, but rumor has it one of them might be Keith’s aunt.

This freeing up of Keith’s time is why the project mentioned above has moved into high gear toward  filming and release by summer. What we know so far: the lead actors in the production have been hired and have already been filming scenes for an anticipated trailer release in Spring.

Stephen Col’bier and Keith Oldermann. The part of KO will be played by Col’bier, 

and the part of KO’s mind and its imaginative incarnations will be played by Keith

Oldermann, with some CGI enhancements. AI technology won’t be needed, obviously. 

Jim Gaffegen and David Linkletterman. Gaffegen will play the part of a

Professional entertainer who discovers a secret portal to the mind of KO,

with life-changing results. Linkletterman will play a retired TV talk host.

Understanding these roles and the horde of supporting extras requires acknowledging the debt the production owes to a noteworthy film titled Being John Malkovich, for which we offer the official trailer as background.

If you’re confused, don’t worry. It confused me too. I think that’s the point.

The important thing to remember is that the plot wonders what would happen if an ordinary, struggling slob somehow got access to the truly extraordinary creative mind of John Malkovich. Which he does through a mysterious removable panel at the baseboard level of his bedroom. Then all hell breaks loose. In the movie, the part of Malkovich’s mind is played by Malkovich. I’m a fan of his, but I have to admit I never watched this one, which I don’t feel too bad about because Malkovich doesn’t bother to watch most of his movies, and I feel it’s enough that I’m a huge repeat watcher of the masterpiece called Con Air. There was no chance of getting Malkovich to play Oldermann, and somebody had to do it, which is why the producers wisely settled on Stephen Col’bier. As you can see, he’s an absolute dead-ringer for Keith. Jim Gaffegen was a cinch to cast as the Craig Schwartz character, because Jack Black was “unavailable for any more political crap” and Jim Gaffegen, who is more available than he used to be due to his own recent dustup with political crap, happens to have few peers at the knack of looking quizzical and naïve but oddly perceptive. The David Linkletterman character doesn’t really matter from what we can tell, being more,of an early and late cameo in the storyboards we have seen. Which brings us to the production materials that have been made available to us so far.

VIDEO CLIPS

Two of these have been provided with no accompanying explanatory text. Here they are:

Inside Oldermann’s brain, he seems to believe he remembers being in the womb, 

which makes him highly unusual and gifted, we guess. He also seems to have some 

Mommy Issues involving a Hillary Clinton, which may or may not have affected 

to his unique mentation such as it is. All we know about the clip thus far.

This one’s a good deal darker. It involves some gore and implied violence, 

which is a predictable development if you give it any thought. On first 

impression, the best guess is that the clip is showing us how Oldermann 

views himself at the Jungian subconscious level, if he learned about that 

in Agriculture School. Interpretations are in the eye of the beholder though. 

Your guess is as good as ours on this one.

STORYBOARDS

We have quite a few of these. Scenes that will be used to shape the shooting script in-progress and have not yet been filmed. No particular order or numbering scheme has been provided. We’ve done our best to arrange them as sensibly as intuition suggested, but sense may have little or no part to play in this project. It is promising to be a spectacular movie at any rate. Something to look forward if a Netflux can navigate the stormy legal seas to a successful release date this summer. For your perusal:

Well, there we are. The black hole that is Oldermann’s brain. 

Gaffegen’s puzzled, but he’s good at that. Keep going…

Seems like a busy place, Oldermann’s Cave. Not as subtle as Plato’s maybe but plenty 

of action buzzing around. The chick looks familiar. Not mentioned in the cast list. The 

other one’s obviously an extra, not long for the show. Megyn Kelly or some MAGA bish?

Bet Gaffegen’s freaking out. That Ruffalo makeup is scary even in a hallucination. KK?

Ya think Oldermann’s nursing a grudge against Cornell? He’s getting personal now. 

Surprised Ann Coulter and Bill Maher aren’t in the scene. Of course this might just 

be the start of an even more violent revenge drama. Please spare the Irish setters.

Gaffegen bold? Or just discovered in his hiding place? The eventual filmed scene 

may actually include some philosophical dialogue. One can hope. Why no chicks?

Nobody’s immune, not even the ones who used to be the Good Guys. But they tried to 

fool Oldermann, and it’s not nice to fool with Oldermann and his borrowed Bumblebee.

Serious as it gets. Someone really really doesn’t like Republicans, not even the tame ones who 

go to the insider trading meetings with Democrats. That may be the same chick from before??

Great makeup job on KO. Or isn’t that him with the rock chick. Sure it is. Must be. It’s his mind.

Woo. That’s bad when chicks diss you in your own fantasy life. Thinking this St. Louis. Part 

of the great National Mourning Season for George Floyd. Jimmy Carter should be so lucky.

Did the girls at The View say something to offend Keith? I’d have thought they were all hands 

in the same bloody glove as KO. But I don’t keep up with all the “Left eating their own” spats. 

Whatever they said must have been pretty muhfuh’ing bad to earn all those showerheads… 

Something to do with LGBTQ+++ no doubt. I take the wrecking ball symbolism. 

It’s possible KO secretly envies Columbia, which is still the most famously violent 

university in the Ivy League. To each his/her/they’re own as they all say now…

Malkovich had some kind of a puppet theme going. I’m starting to get 

hints of that here. Who does this masked fella remind me of? Who?

Oh. Him. Or should I say ‘That’? We all knew this was a destination we 

were going to get to sooner or later with Oldermann. This one’s no 

longer figurative like the Hulk scene. Or is it? What will Gaffegen do?

A parting of the ways? Does this have anything to do with the Al Smith dinner?

Told you Linkletterman would turn out to be a cameo. He always did know how to talk with 

children. Blade isn’t looking so formidable here. Malkovich puppetry theme anyone. Your call.

CONCLUSION

I’m thinking the deep answer is more Freudian than filmic. The Hillary angle. Some cold Mommy didn’t give KO the approval he needed. The rumor mill is suggesting that the Netflux legal problems are only a cover story. The eponymous hero of our story is possibly missing in action, hanging out with the homeless in some comfort-giving metropolis like San Francisco. Impossible to verify.

With any luck, he’s happier now, safely out of the glaring media spotlight.

It was F. Scott Fitzgerald who mused that “There are no second acts in American life.” Well, there’s one at least. How many acts is Trump up to now? For all the MSM hitmen who came after him with blood in their eye, or in their secret fantasy worlds, the best second act might be the one they haven’t thought of yet. Going gentle into that good night. They could do a lot worse. And probably will.

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