My Wife and I have a plan


Pretty simple actually. We murder Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins. I think I’m the better shot but my wife will be equally guilty because she will handle all the logistics. I can’t remember how to get to Pittsburgh anymore. uh, Excuse me. She’s just reminded me we have to do it in Canada, preferably Winnipeg, which I’m reliably informed is the asshole of Canada, a town where nobody cares who’s doing what if there’s enough Molson’s around. Then we surrender, plead guilty, and accept our punishment.

Have to do it in Canada so we can get one of those nifty Canadian “Life Sentences” that spring you in three/four years. Only we’re seriously considering staying for the long haul.

Canadian “Life Sentence” cell. Beats all hell out of our current U.S. senior citizen circumstances.

The whole point really. Penal life in Canada will almost certainly be better than life in Biden’s ‘Revolutionary’ progressive America. We already can’t afford exponentially escalating gas prices and property taxes. They’ll be throwing us out of our house shortly after the 2022 midterms. By then the dogs might be dead. Still won’t be able to afford food, medical and dental care, and withstand the privations of everything caused by life in a socialist Utopia overrun by diseased and undocumented refugees from the Third World south of the Tex-Mex border.

We’ll be happier in a Canadian prison. Honestly. Hell. We could even be American national heroes if enough people feel the way we do about the fucking Penguins.

If you’re thinking aboot rousting us in advance, forget it. We already left here 23 minutes ago. And I do still know how to drive fast as long as the Wife tells me where to turn.

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