Hands Across the Water, Hands Across the Sea

 

People say the left has no heart. This is very far from the truth. They are full of love and empathy for everybody but the evil ones among us, and they are very Old Testament in their conceptions of Justice. They believe absolutely in the Death Penalty and Hell forever after, except for the ones who get oppressed by the evil ones for their color, ethnicity, gender choices, sexual promiscuity and perversity, body odors, excretory preferences, criminal propensities and other mental illnesses, and every form of weakness except being too small to live anywhere but inside a woman’s body, to which they have no right at all. With the exceptions noted, they love absolutely everybody equally, especially people who work for the government and famous rich people who agree with them about all of the above.

Everybody acts like this is so hard to understand. It isn’t. It’s simple. You just have to have an eye for it. Know how to look for their heart and when they’re wearing it prominently on their sleeve.

A tableau that should, and will, bring tears to your eyes before the end of this post.

See? That’s why we at the Instapunk Times have taken the extraordinary step of expanding our reach to include a news division capable of covering and understanding the aspects of the non-MAGA population only a specialized kind of discernment can appreciate properly. To this end, we have recently acquired the struggling multimedia outlet called Brightbelt News.

A brave voice in the wilderness with a touching story all its own, covered Below the Fold.

Yes, you can learn more about Brightbelt later, but for now all you need to get you started is their maiden post at IPR. Which is in their capable hands, from here to the end.

The Politics of Martyrdom and Verse Vīsa

The Charlie Kirk Hoax, as it will one day be known, is the most cynical ploy yet by a Trump oligarchy intent on imposing fascism on the United States and the rest of the world too. Who could imagine they’d be willing to sacrifice one of their own to deal a deadly blow to the forces of wisdom and light who oppose them? Imagination doesn’t matter when you have a rifle in an open carry state. In the state of Utah something violent happened last week, and depending on your political human values, what happened was either a cold-blooded assassination of a hero or a harsh but overdue levying of Social Justice on a dangerous fascist. 

Regardless of how you see it and express yourself about it personally, the result was creation of a martyr for the cause of autocratic oppression of the ordinary people across the country. The parades and speeches in support of the new martyr began immediately, but then eerily parallel act of political violence occurred, receiving huge coverage of its own.

The power of MAGA was applied to the crisis of a dissenting and irreverent voice. The response was a death blow not to a lone human body but to a whole American institution.

This one of those cases where the perilous spark ignites a fa larger fire than anyone could have thought possible. The Senior Senator from New York took a stand of mythic scale against the totalitarian oppression of free speech to an American who wasn’t even in the country without papers. Here’s how it went:

He meant every word. The way he always does.

Then, as happens in American life, all hell broke loose. The victim of the indecent assault on his freedom chose to fight back.

SCOOP: Multiple news outlets are reporting that ABC has pulled the Jimmy Kimmel late night show from its broadcast lineup indefinitely, beginning tonight. What no other source has reported is Kimmel’s response to the allegation that he knowingly lied about the motive of the Sept 10 assassination.

“No one has even talked to me about this,” he said. “The fact is that this has nothing to do with what I said on TV last night. I say shit. We all do. but I get singled out. This is the most glaring example of the Trump administration’s installational racism, which I have long been a victim of going back to when I was a pioneer as a biracial entertainer before no one else was. You know what I’m saying?”

“It’s stone hardcore racism is what it is,” he said. The angry host continued his rant, calling out the involvement of surly white supremacist health clubs located near the ABC studio, as well the devious machinations of failed (and envious) biracial entertainer Vanilla Ice, who was on the show once and stole one of Jimmy’s basketball trophies.

“I’m going to get me that lawyer, you know the one, where the glove don’t fit. I know exactly what we’ll tell that jury. If the Frame don’t fit, you must, uh, quit trying to convict me. My man Jussie says it’ll be a cinch to get off with the right reporters on the case.”

When Kimmel took time out to catch his breath, a personal assistant volunteered that the talk show star was already booked to appear on The View with “that Sunny Hostin, Whoopi, and that old Jewish lady.” 

From across the room, Kimmel shouted, “I’ll knock their socks off. You’ll see. You got that?”

Yes, we got it and now you got it too. Can’t wait for the Kimmel-Hostin hookup. He looks eager…

Now the game is afoot for real. Overnight, infusions of cash and ready volunteers put in place the first step,of a step of state funeral for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. A casket filled with the precious videotaped episodes of the show were put on display in a flag-draped casket and hundreds verging on a thousand mourners passed through the Capitol Rotunda to,pay their respects for the Death of Democracy. 

One cynically conceived Republican martyr had just been outshine by a far bigger martyr worth many hundreds of millions of dollars for decades to come.

Sooner or later, they all came to honor the fallen standard of a nation. Pelosi, Schumer, 

a bunch of the others too, whether they’d been able to don their dashikis or not. 

Incredibly moving and newsworthy for all the alphabet cameramen in the audience.

What happens next is, as the old adage goes, in the lap of the DNC.

This is a DEVELOPING STORY…

Below the Fold…

As promised some background information on the Brightbelt News Divison. It was launched yewrs ago by an incredibly talented video editor named Pamela Key, who found herself oppressed and abused, both personally and professionally by the ruling patriarchy of the Breitbarf Website and Import-Export Company.

As working conditions grew worse, Key ceased to be permitted to write any copy on her own but identifying pronouns of speakers. She was required to record interviews from streaming broadcasts and then employ company technology to transcribe the words into Breitbarf Internet posts, intended Key believed, to be read by no one ever. Her pay was reduced repeatedly until she was actually forced to live in a storage area behind the editorial offices.

This is a photographic memento of that sorry period in her life.

Then she managed to make a physical escape by signing a contract with a major GOP donor who was so infatuated with her feral social behaviors that he underwrote her own journalistic endeavor called Brightbelt News. 

She continued to work at Breitbarf to maintain her access to wire copy and Rolodexes of like-minded dissident journalists. All came crashing to a halt some months into the project when her sponsor ran off to Borneo with a lycanthropic boy from Brentwood.

Now it’s time to turn the page again. Here is our once and future Brightbelt editor.

The great news is that many of her former correspondents are still available to work with her. One day at a time. We’ll have to see how it all goes. Just like the oh-so promising martyrdom of Jimmy Kimmel. Perhaps Brightbelt can even be a bridge between the starkly divisive media world of the past and the ‘both sides now’ approach of reshaping the truth in ways pleasing to everybody…