Ice Crashing 2006

With all the ruckus about U.S. athletes showing off their jock insight about politics and patriotism this year (“me, me, effing ICE killers, and uh, me”), I haven’t paid much attention to the competitions in Milan, a city in which I had some fine evenings decades ago. Why spoil those memories with graceless images of Ugly Americans embarrassing themselves and us? 

What has seeped through my indifference is four American performances on, ironically, ice. Two were disasters, gold medal candidates in figure skating who failed dismally under the Olympic spotlight, and two sterling American gold medal victories by a charismatic young legal immigrant from China and a Women’s Ice Hockey Team that beat Canada thrillingly in Overtime. Any karma involved here and there? Could be.

Regardless, I’m not going to replay any of these turns on ice here. Let the dead past bury its dead self and let the long lasting glow of triumph reveal itself again at intervals as occasions warrant. Why such a high road? Because I want to have some fun with screwups without torturing the ones who are hurting now.

Instead, the two strikingly bad routines we had in skating this year reminded me of another Olympics 20 years ago, which I happened to write about at the original Instapunk website. Everyone involved has had enough time to get over it and move on in this life or the next. So feel free to laugh.


Just to provide proof that I was not inventing the disasters alluded to above, here is what Google AI has to tell us about the2096 “Ice Crashing” events.


If you’re like me, though, you still want to see some cold carnage. So I dug up what certainly belongs on any list of the 19 funniest cold opens in the history of Saturday Night Live. Who do you feel worse for? The skater? The announcers? Or the audience in the stands? Think it over.



Here’s hoping everyone survives the current proceedings and arrives home safe and sound. Even the spoiled brats in the bunch.


Comments

Post a Comment

Readers also liked…

Instapunk Wasn’t Born Yesterday

Image
  Yes, it became an annual Nightline Ceremony Now that the first battlefield casualties of ‘Trump’s Iran War’ have been recorded (6 as of 3/2/26), Ivan hear the bells tolling on the soundtrack of the Alphabet News networks lamenting the names of dead military personnel they don’t care about in any other respect. Soldier deaths are one more cudgel that can be used to beat the America First crowd with.  We’ve been here before. The article reproduced below is one I wrote for the original Instapunk blog almost exactly 20 years ago. The occasion was a forthcoming — and much promoted — edition of Nightline dedicated to intoning all the names, one by one, of American military personnel killed in Iraq. A not so subtle undermining of ‘Bush’s Iraq War,’ by a TV program that began as a nightly update on the American hostages taken by Iran in November 1979 after Jimmy Carter handed that nation over to the Ayatollah Khomeini. The ironies abound. Nightline was outraged by the plight of the ...
Read more

The Daily Media Routine (Whether you’ve noticed or not)

Image
  In sunnier days, this would probably have been a Friday Follies post. But we’re talking a wilder take on recent antics being fed us through the mass media. More like Friday FAFO Fun. Just how batshit crazy we should feel about the hallucinogenic diet we’re on depends more than somewhat on what side of the aisle we’re viewing it from. For example, if you’re MAGA, as many of my readers are, you probably feel compelled to check in on the War Room on a fairly regular basis. Where the hunt seems to be on for that one more fatal trap the cunning Dementocrats will be using to steal yet another election.  I’m not taking questions here. This is just how the daily drear if RAV is striking me. Note that the part of “Hang On” Steve is being played here by Jon Voight, and wait for the relief of seeing Julie “the Smart One” Kelly being played by Sigourney Weaver. You and I should consider ourselves Stanley. Is that better or worse than being one of wet behind the ears voyeurs of the left ...
Read more

Faint Praise and Other Hump Day Lumps

Image
Jesse Jackson (1942-2026) Honestly tried to find an appropriately hagiographic portrait of Mr. Jackson on the occasion of his death, but I came up pretty empty. Mostly photos of him with other famous people, usually Democrats and Civil Rights bigwigs. I really did make an effort to turn an old photo of him into something more. His was a career full of activity and effort but little glamor. He ran for President twice in two of the weakest candidate pools the Dems Hadhad before the current slagpile. In 1984 he lost the nomination to Mondale, who went on to lose 49 of 50 states. In 1988 he polled worse than Al Gore and Michael Dukakis, who also lost bigly in the general. What little attention I paid him then and subsequently is probably due to his participation in the phenomenon of Reagan Derangement Syndrome, that new streak of personal hatred which entered National Democrat politicking after Watergate. Then he gradually dropped away into the background.  Honestly, I probably would l...
Read more

Brief Infatuations

Image
  Two people daring to approach one another against the odds I like this pic. A surreal take on Valentine’s Day. My wife and I love each other, just not this particular commercial permutation of romance. She doesn’t want a card and I don’t either. But it doesn’t mean I want to be a Scrooge about the whole thing. More than one way to stir a heart though. Loving a musical talent of the opposite sex is not what I’d call cheating, or else I’m in very big trouble. Just shared my lifelong romance with Edith Piaf, which will live as long as I do. But she’s not the only one I have flirtations, infatuations, even relationships with. Enough of them that this could be a series, though I promise I’ll keep that to a minimum. Still, this is a good time to acknowledge such affinities. Women have been misbehaving quite a lot on public stages of Iate and I have not been shy about calling them out. Appropriate that I give a moment to my more tender feelings. Yes, even I have feelings. And female sin...
Read more

The Wild West of News Media

Image
  DISCLAIMER: If you’re anything like me (attentive to the things I’m attentive to), you’re behind the curve in this whole podcasting phenomenon. I’d seen short clips of podcasts at ‘X’-Twitter, heard about the land office business Tucker Carlson was doing right after he left Fox, and didn’t pay that much attention to people like Joe Rogan until Barron Trump suddenly got credit for stealing the media narrative from the alphabet media (ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, NYT, WAPO) during the election campaign. Honestly, I’d regarded solo “pundits” filming themselves being smarter than everyone else as an opportunity for satire rather than serious analysis. Why this disclaimer. I have put my own oar in the podcasting water. Several times. Trying to figure out how normal people could produce a regular series of programs on their own hook. So I took a crack at it on the down low. I wake up early, long before dawn, so I experimented with filming myself on the iPad. Without a printer I coul...
Read more

Legacy is a 6-letter word…

Image
  One of these gentlemen was named Hugh Walpole. F-a-a-a-mous Writer. Some other famous writer once wrote that “the good is oft interrèd with their bones.” It’s no secret that the reputation of Stephen King has taken a bit of a hit of late. Too much with the tongue-lashing of Donald Trump for some of his more down-home fans. Should this extremely rich and prolifically prolific author be fretting about his legacy in the annals of literature?  Hard to say. Have you heard of the prominent writer and “Commander of the British Empire (CBE) Hugh Walpole? No, not Horace. He was the one who wrote so swimmingly about fishing. This was Hugh, who has quite a lengthy write up at Wikipedia. Here are the most salient excerpts: WIKI: <<Sir Hugh Seymour Walpole , CBE (13 March 1884 – 1 June 1941) was an English novelist. He was the son of an Anglican clergyman, intended for a career in the church but drawn instead to writing. Among those who encouraged him were ...
Read more

Party Time

Image
  No, I’m not going 100 percent Youtube on you. Truth is, the post I did the other day about the Progs  getting nutso when elections don’t go their way was an accident. I was really searching for the songs I’ll be posting here, and those political clips kept showing up in the sidebar. So I grabbed a few of them just to remind you that they really are out of their minds out there.  Right now, of course, a lot of MAGA people are also out of their minds, with very little power or insight about what’s going on behind the media tantrums. That’s why i started collecting this little musical refuge. When is it the right time to party? By which I don’t mean drug yourself into a coma but find a sound and a best that will make you dance or at least reach a philosophical state of equilibrium. It’s always time for that. Because not all party songs are happy things. Some of them are quiet reflective moods when the dancing and singing are winding down. Not a bad place to be when you thi...
Read more

A Near-Perfect Microcosm of “The Swamp”

Image
Ontogeny recapitulates philogeny. There’s an intensely contemporary reason for taking a close look at Scientology. The Swamp is so huge it seems like the Borg. But what are the stripped down essentials of the Borg? Here’s a look at a laboratory example, a microcosm if you will. In the interests of full disclosure, I did encounter Scientology back in the weird year of 1968. I was in Boston, got scooped in to a “Dianetics” exercise, and got speedily thrown out for having too much “charge” to participate. The one in charge was blond, bland to the point of creepy, and I almost (but not quite) succeeded in making him lose his temper. In further interests of disclosure, I spent years on Facebook, debating Trump-haters. They did lose their tempers. But they also exhibited the exact same repetition of Talking Points the lefties (and Scientologists) employ. Exact. Same. Words. How I made the cult connection. Overview Like it says. Troublemaker. Destroy Utterly  Horror Show Squared More ... ...
Read more

The Game

Image
  Be patient. I’ll explain as we go. Eventually. My energy level is down. Not surprising. I’ve been working unbelievable hours for weeks, most of it on things you don’t see here. I have different operating modes. There’s one in particular where I switch into a spinning active-passive mental state, receiving information and writing quickly in alternation. It’s a mode that can last for days, weeks, and on some occasions years at a time. How I’ve completed several of my biggest projects. The last time I was in this mode was about three years ago and it came to an end rather abruptly. I thought I’d laid the project I was working on to rest, but the truth was it had laid me to rest. I felt finished with the business of trying to say anything more except in the fairground sideshow sense provided by Facebook. Throw the softball at the lead milk bottles, shoot the target that goes ping when you hit it, and hand off any stuffed toys you win to the kids. Except there aren’t anymore kids. No ...
Read more