The New Fashista Barbie Line
Can’t help thinking, Barbie is more than a doll. She’s an eternal icon.
So I took a closer look at the Mattel advertising graphic and thought, “Hmm. Seems barely a start to me. They’ve hit a couple of bases, but they also left a lot on the table. I decided to try my own hand at doing better.
[Viewing tip: If you click image files to see them larger on a tablet device, you can taller images even larger by turning your screen 90 degrees to portrait mode.]
Certainly there are more buttons to be pushed on this, I thought. For example…
What’s dominating all the sex talk these days? You know that as well as I do. It’s got to be addressed or the formerly pregnant persons we benightedly called “Mother” were bound to be very disappointed with Mattel, Barbie, Ken, and, um, me too. You can work out how elegantly the graphic above handles the key transition issues back and forth.
Still, there’s more than one sex topic in the air these days. One thing nobody talks about is just what percentage of college and graduate students and those recently entered the workplace as nurse trainees, law clerks and such were being forced to find moonlighting professions to muster the scratch for their student loan payments. Why persons you’d never expect get suddenly sniffy at hearing terms like stripper, lap dancer, escort, and call girl. ‘They’re sex workers,’ you’re told in an icy tone. “They get this in Europe. What’re you? Some kind of drooling redneck? If you want to be treated with dignity, treat others that way too.” Herewith, a constituency Mattel has thus far neglected.
Sex Worker Barbie
Now that Roe v Wade is going to be overturned, and abortions are going to be outlawed across the board everywhere but California, the ones who can’t afford to hitchhike to L.A. or Frisco, are going to wind up PREGNANT. Which is a great tragedy indeed. Another Mattel omission.
That’s not the only omission. One they probably don’t think they made is their treatment of the hours every day the persons — you know, the ones who menstruate and get pregnant and have to spend endless time on makeup, hair, nails, and various perfumes, unguents and things — aren’t necessarily doing things the same the first Barbies did when all they needed was a quick shower before cheerleader practice, the bathroom is a much more serious place now than it used to be. Time for a new look.
Bathroom Barbie
Fat Barbie
It’s a very sad thing, but the beauty lesson is one that has been too long overdue. Why do you think so many other genders have had their lives devastated by getting entangled with the evil cis-normal male ones? Face it. This too is now a significant chunk of real life, and Mattel had better start wrapping its thick, stupid cis-normal head around it.
Crack Barbie
What with working two or more jobs for years, and having to poison their body with ODs on birth control pills now that abortion carries the death penalty, it shouldn’t be surprising that there will be many many victims of that death penalty. Especially since the perv doctors who spend more time looking up skirts than looking up new ways to address the specific medical ailments of other genders, it’s a good bet that almost as many menstruating persons will die of cancer as cisnormals do of the prostrate thing. So I was told anyway, in just those words. What Mattel needs to do is advertise the problem and loudly admire the hell out of everyone who so suffers. Another extensive new line of dolls is absolutely required. These are only the merest start.
Cancer Barbie
Eventually, the battered survivors, if there are any, will one day muster up the courage to just hit the road and go. Mattel should be drawing maps for the escapees. And nicer cars and other electrified vehicles for them to make their escape in.
Getaway Barbie
Only a start, I know. But if Madonna’s avatar can give birth to a mighty full-grown oak tree, maybe Mattel can learn to be heroically WOKE. Hope I’ve helped light the way.
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